Thursday, June 26, 2003
Guess who’s famous?
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Me.
This morning I gave an interview to the Daily News about being a twentysomething Manhattanite that finds a way to survive living a life without a cell phone. My friend, Joanna, was interviewed yesterday and she gave my name to the columnist and I was contacted this morning for the interview. It was SO much fun. She asked me numerous questions and my opinion on cell phone usage in today’s society. When I get nervous, I speak fast and throw way too much information into the conversation. I hope she doesn’t cut and paste things I said in a manner that would make me humiliated. I can just imagine the article coming out and it saying:
Joe CuttheShit believes that cell phones are impersonal and straight from the depths of hell. He believes that if you (sic) use a cell phone, you should go to hell too. Hellbound fuckers…I like cheese a lot.
The interviewer said that she might even take a picture of Joanna and I and put that in the paper next to the article! YAY! How fun! I will make a hundred copies and mail it out to anyone who wants one. Or you could just look at it online. OH! One more funny thing…the interviewer lady person asked me what my girlfriend thought of me not having a cell phone and I was like DOH(!), girlfriend?!?! So, I said “Yes, I have a girlfriend and she’s cool with it, blah blah blah.” “Oh, how long have you been together?”, she asked next. “For about 3 and a half years, but now I’m dating a Muslim and he has a really good body.” OOPS! Sike. But I did tell her that I had a girlfriend. All I could think about was that if I told her I was gay, it would eventually come back and bite me in the ass in the future. So I lied about my sexuality. Which I HATE HATE HATE to do. Whatever. I need a publicist ASAP.
Last night’s auditions were AMAAAAAAAAAAAAZING. Holy shit was it so much fun. We auditioned about 11 or 12 guys and out of all of them, two were great! Megan decided to have call backs next Tuesday, so that we can see the guy, Brad, from Tuesday night, alongside the other two boys from last night. I have a personal favorite that I hope gets the part. Brad was excellent, but after seeing this guy, Ian, I immediately realized so much more about my character than I had previously. Ian embodies the role of Jim. But I am not the director and I am confident that Megan will make the right choice. Brad was too pretty to be Jim, I think. Ian has this inherently masculine, confident, aggressive nature that seemed to work wonderfully. Plus, he was one of the only two that read the play before the audition. A total MUST for any aspiring auditioner.
I got home around 9:30pm and was up until about 2am running the lines in my bed. The fire in my belly was pulsing with the passion of a thousand actors. It was such an invigorating feeling! I couldn’t stop running the scenes over and over. Trying out new ways to say the lines and inventing different circumstances for my character. It was SO fun and all consuming. Welcome back to acting Joe! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!
Yet, I am pretty tired today from staying up all night playing around. I gotta try to keep my passion a little bit under control or I am going to end up being a gay zombie. And gay zombies have been known to eat brains. And I don’t mean brains from your head…I mean brains like your bag of balls.
crunch slop gulp.
Tonight I am off to the Cubby Hole for happy hour and then MAYBE over to the local dyke bar for a few drinks and dancing. I am doing my best to bail out on the lesbian nonsense, but I don’t know if I will be able to. My friends seem to love having me stand there fending for myself. And every time I go, I get into a fight with one angry dyke or another. No lezzies’ seem to like cute and harmless gay boys.
(okay, maybe not so harmless.) (but definitely cute, right?)
So far Ihaven’t been able to find many fun things to do for PRIDE weekend, despite getting trashed at the clubs. I was hoping that there would be a gay boat cruise or a gay picnic or even a gay man lazar tag. But it seems to me that the only genre of people that do events like that are lesbians. And lesbians are mean.
Ok, sorry. I digress. Lesbians are not the devil. I don’t want any of my lesbionic readers to think that I hate them. I am just tired of not being included in their little events. And I am VERY tired of getting into confrontations with them every time I step into one of their bars. Gay men very rarely treat women like this. So why the double standard?
Oh! And I found out something totally weird! Turns out that lesbians consider fingering a girl more personal than eating a girl out. TWAT? I was SURE it was the other way around. But no. All of my lesbians say that eating a girl is like nothing. But fingering is like fucking. Interesting. I learn something new every day about those vagina eaters.
Ah well…in any case…I am very excited to spend Pride weekend with my girl friends. I just wish there was a place that we could all go where everyone felt comfortable. One would think that gay people had a natural kinship with each other, but it’s just not true. Boh well.
Happy Thursday my gaylords!
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Me.
This morning I gave an interview to the Daily News about being a twentysomething Manhattanite that finds a way to survive living a life without a cell phone. My friend, Joanna, was interviewed yesterday and she gave my name to the columnist and I was contacted this morning for the interview. It was SO much fun. She asked me numerous questions and my opinion on cell phone usage in today’s society. When I get nervous, I speak fast and throw way too much information into the conversation. I hope she doesn’t cut and paste things I said in a manner that would make me humiliated. I can just imagine the article coming out and it saying:
Joe CuttheShit believes that cell phones are impersonal and straight from the depths of hell. He believes that if you (sic) use a cell phone, you should go to hell too. Hellbound fuckers…I like cheese a lot.
The interviewer said that she might even take a picture of Joanna and I and put that in the paper next to the article! YAY! How fun! I will make a hundred copies and mail it out to anyone who wants one. Or you could just look at it online. OH! One more funny thing…the interviewer lady person asked me what my girlfriend thought of me not having a cell phone and I was like DOH(!), girlfriend?!?! So, I said “Yes, I have a girlfriend and she’s cool with it, blah blah blah.” “Oh, how long have you been together?”, she asked next. “For about 3 and a half years, but now I’m dating a Muslim and he has a really good body.” OOPS! Sike. But I did tell her that I had a girlfriend. All I could think about was that if I told her I was gay, it would eventually come back and bite me in the ass in the future. So I lied about my sexuality. Which I HATE HATE HATE to do. Whatever. I need a publicist ASAP.
Last night’s auditions were AMAAAAAAAAAAAAZING. Holy shit was it so much fun. We auditioned about 11 or 12 guys and out of all of them, two were great! Megan decided to have call backs next Tuesday, so that we can see the guy, Brad, from Tuesday night, alongside the other two boys from last night. I have a personal favorite that I hope gets the part. Brad was excellent, but after seeing this guy, Ian, I immediately realized so much more about my character than I had previously. Ian embodies the role of Jim. But I am not the director and I am confident that Megan will make the right choice. Brad was too pretty to be Jim, I think. Ian has this inherently masculine, confident, aggressive nature that seemed to work wonderfully. Plus, he was one of the only two that read the play before the audition. A total MUST for any aspiring auditioner.
I got home around 9:30pm and was up until about 2am running the lines in my bed. The fire in my belly was pulsing with the passion of a thousand actors. It was such an invigorating feeling! I couldn’t stop running the scenes over and over. Trying out new ways to say the lines and inventing different circumstances for my character. It was SO fun and all consuming. Welcome back to acting Joe! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!
Yet, I am pretty tired today from staying up all night playing around. I gotta try to keep my passion a little bit under control or I am going to end up being a gay zombie. And gay zombies have been known to eat brains. And I don’t mean brains from your head…I mean brains like your bag of balls.
crunch slop gulp.
Tonight I am off to the Cubby Hole for happy hour and then MAYBE over to the local dyke bar for a few drinks and dancing. I am doing my best to bail out on the lesbian nonsense, but I don’t know if I will be able to. My friends seem to love having me stand there fending for myself. And every time I go, I get into a fight with one angry dyke or another. No lezzies’ seem to like cute and harmless gay boys.
(okay, maybe not so harmless.) (but definitely cute, right?)
So far Ihaven’t been able to find many fun things to do for PRIDE weekend, despite getting trashed at the clubs. I was hoping that there would be a gay boat cruise or a gay picnic or even a gay man lazar tag. But it seems to me that the only genre of people that do events like that are lesbians. And lesbians are mean.
Ok, sorry. I digress. Lesbians are not the devil. I don’t want any of my lesbionic readers to think that I hate them. I am just tired of not being included in their little events. And I am VERY tired of getting into confrontations with them every time I step into one of their bars. Gay men very rarely treat women like this. So why the double standard?
Oh! And I found out something totally weird! Turns out that lesbians consider fingering a girl more personal than eating a girl out. TWAT? I was SURE it was the other way around. But no. All of my lesbians say that eating a girl is like nothing. But fingering is like fucking. Interesting. I learn something new every day about those vagina eaters.
Ah well…in any case…I am very excited to spend Pride weekend with my girl friends. I just wish there was a place that we could all go where everyone felt comfortable. One would think that gay people had a natural kinship with each other, but it’s just not true. Boh well.
Happy Thursday my gaylords!
